You're invited to the LONDON RECOVERY PICNIC! It'll be a lovely lunch for anyone recovering from ANY ED with everyone bringing their own food so you can stick to your meal plan, and maybe explore out of it if you're comfortable with it =) Please contact me or dontwanttobeanorexic with when is best for you and we'll let you all know when it's going to be, which will hopefully be in the next month or two. A good break for in between exams or to celebrate the end! Hope to see you there x
Hey guys, sorry it took me so long to get back here! I went off to L.A. (beautiful) for my poetry competition and then came straight back into finals. I’ve got about a half hour now before yet another appointment so I’m going to try to get through some of the questions piled up in the askbox!
Recently, I’ve been dating this really great guy. However, he has some disordered eating habits. I entered inpatient treatment exactly a year ago, and have been doing relatively well with my recovery. I havent been triggered easily lately, but seeing act around food and eat like I used to has been really hard. Other than that, he’s a total catch, and I really, really want to continue seeing him. Any tips on how I could cope with that?
This is a really hard situation, and one I’ve actually been in before, more or less. What you have to remember is that as much as you care about this boy and want to help him, your own health has to come first. You won’t be able to help if you’re not doing well yourself, right? On that note, make sure you’re not trying to “heal” or “fix” him. You know better than anyone that he has to decide for himself to recover; do your best to remember that, as impossible as it may feel to accept.
The best thing you can do, really, if you want to keep him in your life right now, is to have some strict guidelines in place as to what you can and cannot discuss. Make sure he knows what does and does not trigger you, and don’t feel guilty for putting those rules in place! They will protect both of you. If it’s specifically his behavior around food that is triggering to you, maybe try to avoid having meals with him, as much as that is possible. Remember, you have to take care of yourself.
There may come a point where it’s safer and healthier for you to take a little break from him while he gets himself sorted out. Try not to be afraid to make that choice. It doesn’t mean anything is permanent or that you’ll never talk to him again. It just means that you’re keeping yourself safe and giving him the time to grow.
are there any memes for eating disorders, but not recovery?x
Sorry hon, this is a recovery blog. I’m not going to encourage or promote anything in opposition to recovery. (I also don’t know if there really is anything out there, but I definitely hope not and don’t think you should look.)
This is an unusual question, I know: Is it weird that I want to go to resi? I’ve seen several different outpatient therapists, and I haven’t been getting better since. In fact, I’ve been getting worse. Practically everything is a trigger to me: school, family, stores.. I feel like I can barely function in “the real world”. I think I need more structure. Also, how do I tell my mom that I’m thinking about resi?
It’s not weird at all! You’re looking for help and support and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. There have definitely been times where I’ve wanted to go into resi because I felt like I needed that structure; you’re not alone at all. I think if you feel like it could help, you should definitely go. It’s not going to be a vacation, of course, but it could be an invaluable support. Not to mention how great a sign it is that you are willing to reach out for that help!
As to telling your mom: well, I don’t know her, but I think the best advice is usually just to say it. Ask her if you can talk and then tell her flat-out that you want to look into resi programs. I can’t tell you what her reaction will be, but at least you will have been honest and direct, and there are very few people I know who don’t appreciate that.
I don’t know if I have an ED. I’ve expressed concerns to my therapist several times but she only talked about it fleetingly and then went onto something else and never goes back to it.
(I deleted the rest of this ask for triggering content.)
It definitely sounds like you are struggling with an ED, and you seem to know it, which is good (first step and all that). Could you maybe ask your therapist why she dismissed your concerns like that? It may well be that she doesn’t know or understand EDs, in which case my advice would absolutely be to find another therapist; she can’t help you if she doesn’t know what she’s dealing with. But she may have a valid reason, such as trying to focus on the emotional and psychological struggles you’re having of which the ED itself is merely a symptom.
Either way, I would definitely see a doctor. The ED behaviors you mentioned could be causing you serious physical problems and the sooner you get some medical help, the better.
I want to show my support for my recovering friend, and I was going to that say to her that I will always love her no matter how she looks, but I understand that this will probably do more damage than good. I think I should rephrase the comment as something like: I will always love her under any circumstances. Is this a good way to be supportive and not damaging? Can you please tell me if there is some way I can phrase this better? - thanks
First of all the fact that you are willing to reflect on your word choices to help your friend is a wonderful and admirable thing. Major kudos to you; you are a great friend.
I would advise against anything regarding your friend’s body; she’s already hyperfocused on that and needs some help in seeing what else there is beyond the physical. Tell her what you like about her, or how much you appreciate her company, or both. Reassure her that you’re there for her no matter what. That will mean more to her than you know.
My sister may be suffering from an ED… but I’m scared to face her about it.
(I deleted the rest of this ask for triggering content.)
It certainly sounds like she is. I know it can be really hard and scary to approach someone about a problem like this, especially because it’s so likely that they will deny it and possibly get angry. What you should know, though, is that later, when your sister has started recovery, she will remember that you tried to help her and that will mean so much.
One thing you could possibly do is talk to your parents about it. I don’t know how old you and your sister are, but if she’s under 18 then your parents can force her to get treatment. I know it doesn’t sound nice, and she will most likely be angry at first, but I can tell you that this is how I started treatment and in the end I was and am so thankful for it. Even if she’s over 18, it may be a good idea to have your parents speak to her just because she may be more willing to listen.
To everyone: on the main page I have pages on Resources, What Not to Say, Ways to Cope, Supporting a Loved One, Myths, and FAQ. Please check these out if you think they can help. There’s information there that I may not have covered here.